From
time to time we can get so caught up in the business of professional concert and
event production that we can loose site of the fact that we are in the
entertainment business. With that in mind we are proud to offer the
WCSL humor page.
This page is presented in white background and black text
in a narrow resolution for easy printing. If you would like to submit a sound & light or music related tid-bit to this ever growing collection you may do so by submitting it via email to:
pauldoty@wcsl.org subject: humor page.
Remember to check back for a new laugh or two every week. Enjoy.
Windows
Vista is upon us and we've begun our migration to it!
Click here for a fast tutorial that will
allow you to install the new operating system on a machine in about two
minutes!
APRIL FOOLS!
Every April 1st we change the front page of our website
for the day. You can access past years archived here by clicking the year
you want to see. In 2008 we celebrated with an April 1st edition of
our weekly podcast, The AudPod. You may download the episode here
or from it's page by clicking on "Podcast" on the top of this page.
Top Ten Things Overheard at the
Rolling Stones Concert
10. I love it when they smash their
walkers at the end of a song.
9. The medic alert beepers are drowning out the music.
8. Look! The new guy on bass! It's Matlock.
7. He means, time was on their side.
6. Start me up! I'm serious! This isn't part of the
song!
5. It looks like a comet smashed into Keith Richards.
4. Cool! Jagger's teeth just landed in my lap!
3. What's Letterman doing up there with a fiddle?
2. Michael Jackson married? Please...!
1. I can't get no met-a-mucil
Our own
Andy Cross finds this gem on what looks to be a German website. Sound
reinforcement can be a dangerous environment for the novice! Once again, a
strong reminder that these things should be left up to professionals!
WARNING! Graphic video! Not for the
faint of heart! Click here to play.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who read
binary, and those who don't.
Man it scares us to see amateurs load trucks. Notice that the word "truck" is almost level. (taken on the way home on I5. At speed)
Being a lighting
company has it's downside. Take Christmas for instance. We can't
tolerate poor attempts at armature Christmas lighting and decorations.
Having said that, here's a house that gets our approval. Make sure your
sound is cranked and click
here.
DOWNLOADS!
1. Sportka bird video OK, you've
heard about them, we now have 'em on the site for download! These vids are
really funny, but not for everyone. Click at your own risk!
2. Sportka cat video
Does for cats what the above vid does for birds. Those with weak stomachs,
click at your own risk!
3. Pilot My Stepfather
is a retired Delta man. This is a tribute!
And quite frankly, something we that fly often would like to hear!
4. Cats in The Kettle OK.
The Doty's love Chinese food! Here's a
great tribute. You must have a soundcard & speakers & sense of humor to hear
this song!
5. Star Trek 12 More than being a Trek fan forced me to put this
one on. Give a listen for the obvious reason for those who know me well.
6.
People using intercoms. We install em'. We fix em'. We can't stand to
see them abused! Here's one of our all time pet peeves!
7.
The worst day to call into the office at WCSL... MONDAY! The phone never
stops, and your dead tired
from the weekends shows. Here's our tribute to Mondays!
8. NEA Survey Back by popular demand! Here's the original NEA
survey form we would hand a sound & light "helper" in the early days that felt
that he or she just had to come up to you while your mixing to point out the
obvious or give you advice. For engineers only, hold your gut! By WCSL's CEO
Paul Doty circa 1985. MS Word format
9. Dave Anderson
Here's an example of why you should never take former WCSL LD David Anderson to
a hip hop show.
WARNING: Not suitable for small children who are
easily frightened or persons with weak stomach conditions.
Here's a sign we saw on a PA system rack in a
school while touring in the Midwest;
ACHTUNG!
Das machine ist nicht fur gerfingerpoken und der mittengraben!
Ist easy schnappin der shpringerwerk!
Ist nicht fur gerwerken by das dummkopfen.
Das rubbernecken sightseeren geekendope shotz keepen das hands in das pocketz.
Relaxen und watchin das blinkinlights.
The
Mackie Song.
Sung to the tune of “The Mickey Mouse Club”
by WCSL's own Paul Doty
Whose the leader of
retail although we don’t know why,
M. A. C.
K. I. E.
M.O.U.S.E.
In a church and in a club so many you could die
M. A. C.
K. I. E.
M.O.U.S.E.
Mackie Mouse, (Pile a junk)
Mackie Mouse, (Pile a junk)
Too buy one you must be really high, high, high!
Turn and sob, you broke a knob, hey it was almost free!
M. A. C.
K. I. E. M.O.U.S.E.
THE SOUND ENGINEERS TOOLBOX
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate fragile new speaker
cones not far from an object you are trying to hit.
CARPET KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your office door; works
particularly well on boxes containing soft plastic items or
T shirts.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets
in their holes until you die of old age.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future becomes. In the end it
becomes obvious..... it is possessed.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.
SMALL WIRE CUTTERS: Also known as "Dykes". Used to remove
bottle caps. Any misuse of the tool (to cut wire for example) will
result in the dulling or denting of the tool.
LARGE WIRE CUTTERS: See small wire cutters.
DIGITAL VOLT/OHM METER: $99.95 item that directly replaces a
$9.95 Radio Shack battery tester.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beverage across the room,
splattering it against the Monarc 2004 Olympics poster over the bench grinder.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
removes fingerprint swhorls and hard-earned guitar calluses.
SOLDERING IRON: Produces fashionable cigarette like burns on
the fingers of non-smokers. Smokers can't feel the burns, nor tell the
difference.
FOUR-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: $4.98 item used for
levering a $2,000 Genie tower leg into place.
POST KATRINA UPDATE:
FOUR-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: $94.98 item used for
levering a $2,000 Genie tower leg into place.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood stage splinters.
SMALL DRILL BITS: Used for filling small holes.
MEDIUM DRILL BITS: Used for enlarging small holes filled
with broken small drill bits.
LARGE DRILL BITS: Often used in place of chassis punch to provide
hole for mounting 1/4" or XLR connector. Operators often employee
the popular "ream" method.
CELL
PHONE: Incoming mode: A highly effective distraction and ageing device. In
outgoing mode: Useful tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has
more drill bits. Only device on the planet that's meter spins faster than
the fuel pump.
POST IRAN WAR UPDATE:
CELL PHONE: Incoming mode: A highly effective distraction and ageing device. In
outgoing mode: Useful tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has more drill
bits. Only device on the planet that's meter spins faster than.... Oh
never mind.
DB METER: Provides useless information that is already known for
those who know how to use it and useless esoteric information for
those who don't know how to use it.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt
holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
GERBER MULTI TOOL: Helpful in the repair of
Leatherman multi tools.
DUCT TAPE: Repairs all known devices.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying
tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver
tip on the end without the handle.
TOOL BOX: See Rubik's Cube.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TRIPOD WORK LIGHT: The engineer's own tanning booth. It is a good source of vitamin D, "the
sunshine vitamin" which is not otherwise found in clubs at
night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume
300-watt quartz lamps at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer
shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the
Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is
somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Originally used to stab the lids of
old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt;
now used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips
screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
multi-billion dollar
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and
transforms it into
compressed air that travels by hose to blow dust
off your equipment.
Top 10 things
you'll never hear
on a bands tour bus
10. Boy I can't wait till we get to Omaha!
9. Go roll 'em down the aisle all you want, they're only cymbals.
8. Another beer? No Thanks, I 'm full.
7. Ladies, I need to see some proof of age please.
6. Oh no you don't! It's my turn to clean the bathroom.
5. Twenty percent? Our manager should get at least 30 percent!!
4. Can you believe all the money we're getting?
3. Checkmate!
2. Shouldn't we go back for the drummer?
1. No, the monitor mix was perfect. I just sucked tonight.
Q: What's the difference between a Sound Engineer and God ?
A: God doesn't think he's a Sound Engineer.
Q: What's the difference between a Monitor Engineer and a
toilet seat ?
A: A toilet seat only has to deal with one butt at a time.
Q: What's the difference between a Sound Engineer and a
pizza ?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How can you tell when the stage is level?
A: Drool comes from both sides of the drummers mouth.
Q. How come sound guys never count above two when checking
mics?
A. Because on three you have to lift something.
Q. How come sound guys never count above
three when checking
mics?
A. Because on four they drop the mic.
Q: What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend ?
A: Homeless.
From
time to time we can get so caught up in the business of professional concert and
event production that we can loose site of the fact that we are in the
entertainment business. With that in mind we are proud to offer the
WCSL humor page.
This page is presented in white background and black text
in a narrow resolution for easy printing. If you would like to submit a sound & light or music related tid-bit to this ever growing collection you may do so by submitting it via email to:
Our own
Andy Cross finds this gem on what looks to be a German website. Sound
reinforcement can be a dangerous environment for the novice! Once again, a
strong reminder that these things should be left up to professionals!
WARNING! Graphic video! Not for the
faint of heart!
Being a lighting
company has it's downside. Take Christmas for instance. We can't
tolerate poor attempts at armature Christmas lighting and decorations.
Having said that, here's a house that gets our approval. Make sure your
sound is cranked and 
